IT'S A PLACE WHERE PARADISE AND TAXES COLLIDE

A place, idyllic, sundrenched where white folk in search of a tan would pay a motza to holiday at if they could find the accommodation?

A place where The Prophets birthday is accorded a day-off but the Queen's isn't?

A place with low crime rates and high school attendance?

A place where religion imposes a ban on serving pork products even to non-muslims?

A place where mosques, neat houses and paved streets nestle among coconut palms, pristine beaches and turquoise waters? 

A place where you can get cheap housing at $2500 a year for a 40 year lease and expenses?

A place where expectant mothers and a carer can fly free to the mainland and get free accommodation for up to 40 days due to unspecified "cultural requirements"?

A place where Australian taxes subsidise each citizen for up to $42,000?

A place where toilets are not trashed, alcohol-fuelled violence is non-existent and families take care of the elderly?

A place where locals move around in motorised buggies rather than walk?

A place where the women wear a hijab instead of flowers in their hair and the men dress in shirts and long trousers instead of singlets and shorts like they used to?

A place where English is the second language?

A place where muslims and non-muslims live apart on two islands separated by a lagoon but in terms of values are worlds apart?

A place where fewer than 30% of the locals over the age of 15 have full-time employment?

A place where the local community is becoming more orthodox in its faith due to exposure to the outside world via modern communication? 

A place where Islamic and Western worlds meet face to face?

Aaaaaahhhh!!!! The Cocos Islands, our unsinkable aircraft carrier in the Indian Ocean, a place for limited fun and frolic provided you dress appropriately and seek permission from the muslim community to do just about .... anything. 

It's a bit of hike to get there but well worth it once you do .... according to the locals who knew they were on to a good thing when they opted to become Australian citizens in 1984. After all, they've been there for nigh on two centuries when they arrived as .... well, not quite tourists, more like slaves to labour mightily for the masters of the island, the Clunies-Ross mob from Scotland, who to be fair, also laboured mightily but were better rewarded for their entrepreneurship.

Now, we own it and them (not to put too fine a point on it) and we must pay for the privilege. We have successfully spawned our own far-flung dependency but this one differs from our other external territories in that it is totally dependent on us for ...... everything.